I've been so caught up in trying to assure my son is being who he's supposed to be. With a new school to attend, and a new school year beginning, it's been a little challenging for me to trust that everything will be just fine. It's beyond the desire for health and safety. And it's not that I have unrealistic expectations, it's more that I've had fears of the negative possibilities.
What if someone is unkind to him?
What if he lashes back in anger?
What if he can't catch up academically?
What if people don't take the time to understand his story, and draw inaccurate conclusions about him?
What if people fear him, because they haven't yet gotten to know him?
What if it all goes wrong?
I mean, it's like every "what if" has been bombarding my mind. I'm sure I'm not the only parent who can admit they've danced with these thoughts. I know fear isn't a place to dwell, and I'm aware of all the amazing things that have already taken place within the first week of school. Despite my best parenting and guidance efforts, it's impossible to assure my son always make the best decisions. Heck, I can't seem to always make the best decisions for myself.
I've been overwhelmed with the constant desire to be detailed with prayer for my son, believing that if I ask specifically, God will meet that specific need. And I've been frustrated when I haven't seen specific answers. But today, I realized my prayers have been so overwhelming, because I've been trying to assure my loved ones are who I want them to be. Today, my prayer shifted.
"God, let us reflect your heart, and love like you love."
And somehow, with that simple prayer, I feel the weight being removed from my shoulders.
If you don't yet understand how God loves, listen to this song. If you do understand God's love, I invite you to take a listen anyway. It's a great reminder. It's the reminder I needed today.