Everyone knows the saying "hurting people hurt people". It's like a motto statement often used to comfort our friends, when we have no other words that could fit. I have had support through every step of my journey of becoming a mom, even strangers have heard our story and reached out to let us know they're praying and believing. My son and I have been blessed to have such amazing people surround us. But not everyone supports adoption, because honestly, some people choose to be ignorant about it.
Now, my son and I are on a new journey, blending families. My son's father is about to remarry, and I'm blessed to have a good relationship with them. I don't believe that a rugged past equals a doomed future, and I'm grateful that my son's stepmom will add to the circle of people who love him. It takes work to all get along, but it's so worth it. Wish all blending could work in ways that are best for the children.
When we blend for my marriage, we will also be blending two other boys to the mix. All three are super excited for that day. But some others... let's just say "hurting people hurt people". The attacks and insults have been beyond reasonable understanding.
I thought becoming a stepmom would be a breeze, after the chaotic adoption battle to bring our son home. The insults are sometimes more painful than I admit. Comments like "you'll never have a kid that's actually yours", "you'll never know what it's like to be a REAL mom", "poor woman, that has to take other people's [children]", "keep buying those kids up, maybe you'll trick one into loving you, doubtful but you might get lucky", and so so much more.
As much as I can say I know these things are stemming from something within the person spewing such hate, it doesn't stop the immediate sting.
I know I'm not the only mom who endures such things. So, I would like to say something to those who can relate. That's a lie. When someone says you're not a "real" mom, that's a lie. When someone says you "bought" a child, that's a lie. When you're told it's impossible to love a nonbiological child as much as a biologically birthed child, that's a lie. The very essence of Jesus began with a nonbiological father. Moses was adopted, and God had a deliverance plan that wouldn't have been possible without that adoption (Exodus 2). To think that biology equates love, is absurd. God is love, shows us how to love, and ordains families with love intertwined.
Foster, adoptive, step, nonbiological moms... MOMS...You are more valued than you know. You fight battles that few will ever understand. Don't listen to anything that degrades you as a mom or could diminish your value; instead, stop it, because that's a lie.